Boris Johnson is hard up. It’s true he gets a six figure salary as London Mayor. But that’s not enough to make ends meet. So he moonlights as weekly columnist to the Daily Telegraph. Here’s what he’s come up with in defence of the capitalist system (23.09.08). Is this the best they can do?

“Go on. Admit it. You don't feel altogether sorry for those bankers, do you? When you read about the collapsing pillars of the temples of mammon, you don't feel the tears beginning to prick the corner of your eyes.

“When you read that the masters and mistresses of the Universe are being expelled from their glass palaces, ferrying their possessions in cardboard boxes, you can't quite find it in you, somehow, to mourn…”

That’s right, Boris.

“Every Lefty from Alex Salmond to Gordon Brown is queuing up to kick the ‘spivs and speculators’, who are apparently the authors of their own destruction, as well as the destruction of immeasurable wealth across Britain and the world...

“As the banker-bashers survey the wreckage of Lehman Bros, the main complaint is that the carnage does not go far enough. Why, when ordinary people are suffering from plummeting house prices, are these ex-Lehman partners allowed to waltz off with multi-million pound bonuses?”

Good question, Boris? What is the answer?

“Why, when they have so terminally stuffed the financial system that most people are finding it tough to get a mortgage, are these incompetent loan sharks still cruising the world in their yachts and Bugatti Veyrons?”

Why, indeed?

“Yes, there are some pretty strong feelings out there: Schadenfreude at the bankers who have been punished, indignation at those who have not…”

 “Before you attack the bankers of London, remember that this is one of the few global industries in which we truly excel; the City contributes about 9 per cent of Britain's GDP…

And before you go whingeing to me about house prices boosted by City bonuses, I leave you with one final thought: whatever the disasters of the sub-prime sector, these products allowed millions of Americans to own their homes…”

For five minutes. Now they’re sleeping in their cars.

Boris Johnson gets paid £25,000 a year for writing this rubbish. That’s not a very good argument for capitalism either.